A Letter For Myself

Dearest me,

He's taken, sweetheart...

Get over him, will you!!!

Love,

-Yourself-

I Saw Him There

I was afraid to meet this guy again. And as I was assigned to work at his work area, I was like… DAMN! And just wish that I didn’t have to meet him. And I didn’t. At least, not when I was on duty as I kept avoiding going to that certain area where he works. But afterwards, I was having dinner with my high school friends, and there he was… across the street, working.I was lucky enough not to get eye to eye with him, which I assumed would be an awkward moment.But hey, I loved that feeling, when I don’t have any certain feeling, such as regret, that I don’t want to feel…I’m relieved…I’m sorry… Goodbye… You deserve to be happy, and I will find my own happiness with someone else…

Everything Can Happen At Any Moment

One of my friends just broke the news for me earlier this afternoon. She said that one of our friends died last night from an accident (I haven’t asked if it was car or motorcycle that he rode that night).I couldn’t believe this news even up till now. I wasn’t that close with him, but still… I talked to him while I was in the Marching Band where he was one of the members as well, and yeah… He was a friend of mine.I don’t exactly know how to react to this kind of thing, such as death. One of my friends, who is believed to have an extra power or such, once told me that my reaction to this sometimes more to the feeling of amazed that this thing is actually happening on our daily lives. Yeah, people die. It could be anyone, anywhere, anytime. And the people who care about this people will be drown in some of deepest sadness that they will ever feel in their lives, that no one will ever be able to console them. Just dark…I always say that whatever happens to us is the best for all of us, and I believe it. I do. People die. That’s the best for them and everyone who loves and cares for the. But, I wonder, could I feel that way when it is my turn to lose the people that I love, that I care about, say, my mum or my dad or my sister. I couldn’t even bare to cry when my dad was, say helpless, when he has a stroke and, not all people can survive from this stroke thingy. Lucky us, we brought him just in time, and he’s alright now, thank God. I kept telling myself that whatever happens, will be the best for all of us. But still… I don’t know if I can bare it or not, when my sister still needs him to be around and me too. That moment, I just couldn’t ask for anything but my dad’s health. We definitely still need him in our lives. I prayed to God not to get him at that moment, when none of us was ready. And my prayer was answered. My dad’s getting better now.What if I die? That’s the question that sometimes pops in my mind actually. How long will my family will be in grief, will all my friends come to my funeral, or at least my closest friends, will I know who my true love is? Crazy??? I guess so… But, it came to my mind once or twice.Everything can happen at any moment, good or bad, one at a time, or all at once. We just have to be prepared as well as we can. And keep believing that every thing that will happen will be the best thing for you…PS. Rest in peace, Dan. God loves you and your family… It was nice to know you. We’re going to miss you.

This One's For You

Wish I could be the one,

the one who could give you love

The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you that I'll always stay with you

But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you

Promise you forever,

baby that's somethig I can't do

I could say that I'll be all you ned but that would be a lie

I know I'd only hurt you,

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can find some way to understand

I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be

Who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me

I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a crime

I know I'd only hurt you,

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you, baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out

I love you, goodbye

This is definitely for you. This song speaks my heart. Well, at least I guess so. One of my friends said that I’m closing my heart for this one person to come in the future. I close my heart, including from you.But do I really close my heart for everyone to come in??? The answer will be NO!!! I’m willing to open my heart just for anyone. But, please don’t hope too much from me, because I don’t wanna hurt you or anyone at all. Not this way. I was not intending to do it by any chance.I just can’t be with you for some reasons that I don’t even know why I have those reasons, I don’t even know what. It’s just me. Not you… you definitely deserve someone better and that’s not me.I’ll be here… getting ready to love and to be loved… anyone and by anyone… at all…

I Just Love

Yeah… I just love. All I want to do now is just love someone who can love me back in return of course. Who would that be??? I still don’t know... Some people come and some people go. It seems I never ready for all those people to come and go. But they did. Seems like I never ready to love or to be loved. One of the reasons is that I’m still saving one special spot in my heart for that someone that I don’t even know if he loves me or not… part of my heart say that he is the one for me. But, who knows what tomorrow bring… I just hope that someone can really see that I love him, and willing to love me back in return… I just hope he knows…

Evil Me

First, I felt excited, then surprised and happy, and last, I felt like a true evil.Why??? Well, just today at church, I saw him again. My first crush, ever. I even fell in love with him once or twice, although he wasn’t as good looking as he was when he was a lot younger back then. So, can you really call it love? Well, I’m a call it, unreachable love. Why??? Well, I never know him, up til now. I mean, seriously, I know him and I know he knows me. But, we never spoke to each other like two people who knew each other. Get my point??? We just know one and another without any further connection.But, looked at him today or any other day after awhile, always bring that sort of feeling I cannot even explain, since I don’t know what it is myself. But, I kinda like it. Make me imagining something beautiful that he and I would have if we were together.Back about why I felt like a true evil…Well, what I remember was he with my elementary school’s friend, but she looked like ignoring him all along. Well, not along, or I don’t know, but that was what I saw two years ago at New Year’s party. I didn’t think that he deserved it. He deserved better, that is with me. And now, I saw him not with her anymore, but then I realised that they were sitting only two people away at the same row, and guess what? I was glad that they didn’t look like they were together again.But, what is so good when I can’t have him anyway??? Well, by knowing that he will find someone better… Hope it could be me… =)

The Childish In Me

I’m not as grown up as you think I am. I still got the childish in me that often took me over. Wholly, solely.. and I just can’t get out.Talk is easy. Talk is cheap. But the action to the words is definitely the hardest part of all. To be done, to be tried, even to begin. I wish I could apply the words I said to people, to my younger, even to my older friends… I don’t want to be a cheap talker… although I could get an award for my words of wisdom to people…

Where???

I caught myself so often in the question that no one could ever answer since the answer to my question is in me… and it feels like it’s nowhere to be found…

Forbidden Love

Something forbidden that you cannot touch at all. But can you feel it?His smile is so beautiful that sometimes I just want to go and hug him just like that. His arms seem so strong that sometimes you can just feel them wrap you around and warm yourself all day.But for some strong reasons, you just cannot be with him at all. The gap between you two are too damn wide. Even wider than you think it is…What would you do then? When you know something isn’t meant for you, but you still want to have it?Well, just say that he’s too damn perfect and nothing is so good that last eternally. Well again, nothing is eternal. It’s like… nothing. Perfect or not, sooner or later, it’ll be gone.. what to do then?

Commitment VS Priority

What is commitment?What is priority?For me, you have to put the commitment to your priority, a.k.a you have to commit to your priority. But, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have your commitment or something that isn’t your priority. In my opinion, that is only one thing that you can make as your priority, so you can erally focus on it. If you have more than one… how can you focus on it??? Think about it…Although you don’t make something as your priority but it doesn’t mean that you don’t take it seriously as you commit to it too…But what will you do if someone doubt your commitment?

Learnt My Lesson

I don’t really like it when people just talking behind my back. Not literally behind my back, but talking about me without saying it was they’re talking about.I’ve made mistake, I know that, I don’t really have to hide it, at least to myself. Believe it or not, I think I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I used to. I still need people to tell me what did I do wrong, in case I didn’t realize it or if I think I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s totally okay, as long as they tell me with a little sense of respect. I need people to appreciate what I did, just respect my attempt and effort. At least I’ve tried my best. That’s why I hate it when people criticize me with no respect at all.I put my all when I did this occasion, even my heart and soul, seem like my every little thing. All went great just fine, at least, cuz no one told me anything, and I felt I did nothing fatally wrong. Until the next day someone just talked about the mistakes they say I made. She knew that it was me because she watched the show, she talked about it in front of me and I can feel her resentment on me. At first I didn’t know that it was me she talked about, until my friend told me about the mistake I’ve made. I thank her for that but I hate the woman that talked about it behind my back.I was totally broken down at that time, I was almost crying, but luckily I can go all the way throughout that day. Not as good as the day before, far from good, because I got no soul in it. But, hey, it’s over… I learned my lesson and didn’t do it again. No same mistakes, but I was too down to do better. So… another lesson to be learned…