PrOuD.2.B.a.DrEaMeR

Sunday, June 22, 2008

2008-07-01T17:26:00.000+07:00

Another person that I love just passed away,around a month after my grandmother's.My niece,the one that I wrote before about.After struggling with her life,the best way seems to be for her to go to a better place...Well,I guess we just have to deal with it... :) it's time to let her go...at peace and be our angel that looks at us from above...I love you,Jess...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

2008-07-01T17:10:00.000+07:00

It's hard to believe how life can be easily taken away.I'm sitting here in front of the ICU entrance,a 5 months baby just passed away and my niece is still inside,lay peacefully,strugling with her sickness to get her life back on the health track.If you ask me if I believe she'll be fine,I do,I really do,although some of the family,don't.I believe that whatever happens is the best for everyone...I believe that my niece is a real fighter and she'll fight,with us to get better... :) You go,Jes!!!

I think I Know Why My Heart Kept on Pounding Yesterday

2008-06-18T18:16:00.000+07:00

It was you and the news that I got today and it's all about you...
I guess I kept my hopes too high... and there it was, a lightning, strike, right through my fragile heart...
Will I be fine?
I don't know. My heart still pounds sometimes, skips a beat when there was something about you that cross my life...
I will... eventually... as always... :)

All in A Day Pt. 5 - Tell Me If It Was You

2008-06-08T06:47:00.000+07:00

Friday, May 23^rd, 2008 0 – Tell me If It Was You

There was this guy on my grandmother’s funeral, he’s not cute, he’s not that tall, or not tall at all. Shortly, he wasn’t really the man of my dream or anything. He’s just a man. A man, who, unpredictably, stole my attention or stole my heart to be precise. Well, I don’t know and I’m not sure, but I can’t stop thinking about him.

Think about him and me building a happy family. He as my husband and all that which can fulfill my thoughts of a family, I wrote earlier. Isn’t that crazy? I’m smitten.

I really hope to see him again, someday, soon. If it’s meant to be then I’m willing to wait for it to happen.

Oh, by the way, is the way you feel when you find “the one” as in when you know, you know?

All in A Day Pt. 4 - Dedicated to Life

2008-06-08T06:12:00.000+07:00

Friday, May 2^nd, 2008 – Dedicated to Life

Dear life,

Should it be this hard to accept someone for the way they are?

Should it be this hard to start something new, something better?

Should it be this hard to smile when you’re in a great big anger?

Should it be this hard to say whatever the way it is without hurting anyone?

Should it be this hard to move on and forget the damage that has done?

Should it be this hard to reach perfection?

Should it be this hard to love and to be loved?

All in A Day Pt. 3 - Things that's On My Mind Today Pt. 2

2008-06-08T05:51:00.000+07:00

Friday, May 2^nd, 2008 – Things That’s On My Mind Today Pt. 2

If I have to pick between you, you or you, I don’t know which one to choose. I never met the two of you, but you both have turned my life away the way that you two might not know.

And you, we spent some days together. My wall was still at its highest and strongest, blocked you away. You’re just too perfect for me, you definitely deserve someone better. I wasn’t as grown up as I thought I was. What about now? Still, I don’t know. I need someone, yes, I am, but not desperate. Sometimes I think that I might want you back in my life, but… I don’t know if it was the best way or not and my heart keeps saying it’s not. You’d better off without me  I know…

And you… the one that I used to think a brother of mine. I look up to you, up till now, I listen to you, to anything and everything you said. I might even do it when you ask me to do bad things, which I believe you won’t. you were there when I needed you the most. You listened, you calmed me down… You eased my mind and brought the best of me like no one else could do before. I wonder would you still be there, be here for me tomorrow when there you were.

You… we started with me who wasn’t myself, stupid me who was hiding behind that stupid mask. I was hiding all my beauty behind the mask of clay.

Would we be together if I weren’t wearing that mask? I believe we wouldn’t even know each other if I didn’t.

So, call me stupidly selfish, but I don’t regret a thing I did, although I’m not proud it. I’m glad I know you, I’m glad I got the best lesson of honesty, I’m glad I learned although in a furious hard way, I’m glad I could come out and throw that mask away at last which was the bravest thing I’ve done, I’m gladly relieve seeing us standing here, apart, in peace. After I hurt you, after I broke your heart, this is better than I expected, although, honestly I still hope for more…

I know I am blessed.

All in A Day Pt. 2 - Can't Believe He Text Me

2008-06-08T05:39:00.000+07:00

Tuesday April 22^nd, 2008 – Can’t Believe He Text Me

I still recall what happened last Friday. He text me and asked for my picture. It sure was to update his phonebook, but, I don’t know, I’m just glad he did ask mine. At least, he thought of me once in awhile, although it was a random phonebook, and that’s enough for me, that came from someone out of reach for me.

And deep down, I still want him, and I think I still have at least a little pure love for him that’s ready to be grown as an eternal flower of love.

His image and personality, as far as I know, is completing the image and personality of the man in my dream.

Now, is he too perfect? Do I still believe in my dream? Well, I might and I might not, but I do believe that everything happens for the best reason.

I wish I knew what will happen… 

All in A Day Pt. 1 - Things that's On My Mind Today

2008-06-08T04:58:00.000+07:00

Friday, May 2^nd, 2008 – Things that’s on My mind Today

I want to have someone who’s got the same religion/belief as mine. So, I can be married to him, have children and go to church together after we have a simple sweet ceremony in church that I always go (if I was in Jakarta) since (maybe) I was born. My (or his) favorite priest will bless us. Our best dearest friends will be there, of course our family too.

I’ll cry, and maybe he’ll do too. We’re gonna sing, if he knows the songs, the songs that the choir will sing (PS. The choir should be those who we’ve known). We’re gonna have our first dance bare feet in a garden with our favorite song(s).

He’ll take care of me while I’m pregnant and our children after they born…

Our children will be active in church, being a servant during services, just the way I’ve never been.

We’ll teach our children about something that we did wrong in the past so they won’t make the same mistakes again. But when they do, we will not say “we told you,” but “be proud of your mistakes, mean that you just got some great life lesson, learn and live it. It’s fun!” and give them the greatest loving hugs and kisses everyday.

We’ll live happily together and we’ll take imperfect happily ever after as our greatest achievement for our love, together. Till death do us apart…

Will he be you?

(Yang terhormat) RI 1 dan RI 2

2008-05-03T17:13:00.000+07:00

Tadi pagi baru liat Pak JK di TV, tapi beritanya apa lupa. Hehe. Begini nih, anak muda jaman sekarang, males banget liat berita di TV ato dimana pun (gue maksudnya, tau yang laen). Ehm... abis itu, siang2 mo cari sesuap nasi, di angkot ada beberapa ibu2 yg bertanya kenapa ada minimal satu polisi di tiap2 gang, ternyata ibu yang laennya tau. Katanya di Bumi Sangkuraiang (ato Arjuna, ya, pokonamah diatas aja) ada resepsi keluarganya JK, ntah JKnya langsung ato kerabat...

Ternyata, gosip itu benar. Beberapa saat yang lau, motor2 dan mobil2 yg py sirine (ato sirene?) mondar-mandir diikuti dengan beberapa mobil yg pasang sen dua2nya (gue ga tau namanya apa). Siapakah yang dikawal??? Sepertinya duo RI itu. Mengapa sepertinya? Karena platnya kurang keliatan dari atas sini (ato mataku nyang emang rabun, ya??? Sutralah), tapi menurut sumber perkataan dan perilaku, 90 persen, mobil2 tersubut adalah mobil2 dengan plat RI 1 dan RI 2 (yg dari sudut pandang gue keliatannya sebagai B 1 dan B 2... Wah, mata yg aneh...)

Menarik melihat peristiwa tersebut... Semua orang yang lagi jalan berhenti di tempat. Beberapa dengan posisi siap, termasuk ada anak yang bener2 melakukan posisi hormat waktu SBY lewat, yang lain, ya, santai aja. Jadi inget waktu maen MB di istana. Kalo gak salah, ada latiannya juga untuk ngehormatin presiden yang bakal lewat. Padahal waktu itu lagi asik2 makan snack... Awalnya kirain mang Ibu Mega lewat, tapi ternyata latian doang. yang ada gue ma temen2 gue heran. Ehm... ntah itu latian ato ngehormatin yg laen. ga ngerti juga... :p

Semuanya membawa gue ke satu memori yang bener2 ga bisa gue lupain ttg Pak SBY... Waktu itu PSM diundang kedutaan AS (yang bisa dibilang diundang AS juga, hehe) buat nyanyiin lagu kebangsaan Indonesia Raya dan juga lagu kebangsaannya mereka, Star Spangled Banner. Wess... bangga banget. Pake baju daerah dan bener2 ACARA NEGARA (emang seh baru yg ke2 setelah MB di istana, tapi tetep bangga karena ga semua bisa dapet kesempatan gini). Ada pejabat2 dari kedua belah pihak, tentu aja gue taunya banyak nyang dari Indonesia, selain duta besar AS waktu itu (itu juga namanya lupa, tapi ramah banget!!!). Ada Sutiyoso (Ehm, padahal ada kesempatan buat nanya PBSI ma dia eh, keduluan ma nyang laen, nyang lebih tinggi pangkatnya, alias orang besar lain), Hasan Wirayuda (yang ini lebih lucu lagi, dari atas panggung gue kira dia temen bokap gue ato sapa gitu yang gue dah pernah kenalan secara langsung... sumpah, sok kenal banget ya gue??? hehehe), trus... aduh lupa, yang punya Metro TV, artis2 juga banyak, Nia Dinata, Nicolas Saputra, ampe katanya ada yg liat Julia Perez, tapi tau bener ato nggak, dulu tau ada makhluk yg namanya JuPe aja nggak, ada juga temen gue, namanya Juvia, dipanggilnya Jupe... Juviaaaaaaaa... kamu kemana??? Semua itu dicari sewaktu kami dipajang di panggung (litterally)... sebelum menyanyikan lagu2 tersebut.

Nah... sebelum mulai, tiba2 crowd yang ada di depan kita dibagi menjadi 2... dengan pengawal2 yang memisahkan mereka... dan beberapa saat kemudian... datanglah satu rombongan dengan seorang dari antara mereka yang paling mencolok yang tidak lain adalah... SBY... Wow... auranya langsung memancar dari badannya yang tegap. Ntah kenapa tapi, sampe sekarang gue tetap menganggap beliau adalah salah satu presiden terbaik yang pernah dimiliki Indonesia. Well... pernah bikin salah? Pastinya. Namanya juga manusia... ga ada yang sempurna, pasti adaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aja yang salah, niat baik aja kadang2 jadi salah. Banyak yang demo karena kebijakan yang dianggap salah dan ga bisa membawa Indonesia kesuatu tahap yang lebih baik ato apapunlah... Ya sudahlah... Namanya negara, ga bisa diperbaiki cuma dalam 1 periode kepemimpinan, apalagi sebulan dua bulan. Ada2 aja... Eh, tapi bukan berarti gue ga ngedukung demo loh... kecuali demo2 yang gak penting, yang vandal, yang rusuh, yg ngerusak... Teman2... demo yg kaya gini malah bikin masalah tambah runyam... Tujuan demo buat didenger dan cari solusi, yang ada malah bikin masalah baru... Jadi, hati2 loh.

Ya sudahlah... Inti dari tulisan ini... Gue sadar sampe sekarang gue masih tetap pendukung SBY-JK... dan gue iri ma anak tadi yang hormat dan di-dadah-in ma yang ada di dalem mobil RI 1 (kalo bener RI 1)... Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... aku juga mau di-dadah-in ma Ibu Any... :( Hehe... selamat berjuang Bapak-Bapak yang terhormat. Kupercayakan Indonesia kedalam tangan kalian... Buat Ibu-Ibunya... dukung Bapak-Bapak, ya, Bu... :)

Terima Kasih... :)

FoR OnCe

2008-03-19T16:07:00.000+07:00

For once

there's no doubt

hanging around in my mind

For once

the whole burden that I'm scared about

is no longer there

For once

I feel like i'm doing the right thing in my life

For once

finally I can put a very wide smile

Angry with the Anger

2008-03-16T15:13:00.000+07:00

Sitting here
Quiet
and mind wandering...
What am I doing here?
Just sitting
Quiet
and mind wandering...
What to do
with the anger
that slips through my finger
through my skin
through my mind...

"Aku benci dirimu"

2008-02-22T14:45:00.000+07:00

Those are your very last words to me. Maybe you can say whatever you want to say. I deserve it. I deserve all your anger towards myself. I even hate myself for this.
Damn... I miss you, you know. But, sorry... it really has to end.

A night at a time...

2008-02-22T14:11:00.000+07:00

Another day came by without you

I guess I'll be okay

Sorry for all the things I've done to you

I really didn't mean to hurt you

It wasn't because of you

It definitely has nothing to do with you

It's just me who doesn't feel the way you feel

It was just me who felt too scared to face anything

To step forward...

To be honest, even to myself

Sorry...

I'm sure you'll be okay...

Goodbye...

Have I Made the Right Decision?

2008-02-16T16:38:00.000+07:00

When everybody still loved up after the valentine's day, here I am thinking if I made the right decision already by saying goodbye to him...
Many things have happened to us, the good, the bad, the in betweens, one thing led to another. So many reasons and explainations but yet s...
I still have doubts although at the same time I strongly believe that this is the best for both of us... plus, I still have butterflies flying around in my stomach...
Is it the way you feel when you make a right decision? Or it's the wrong one?
Oh dear Lord... please help me make it through each night...

The RAin Just Pour...

2008-02-16T15:45:00.000+07:00

I know you've seen the rain before, but there was something different about this one... Money Rain??? Nope, I mean, it's just the rain, water kinda rain, but, it came so suddenly. Just like that and it was straightly a heavy rain...
Gosh, ehm, I don't actually know what I'm talking about...
Sorry...
Peace y'all...
PS. Rihanna's Umbrella should be more popular by now... :)

Why Can't I?

2008-02-12T12:53:00.000+07:00

Gosh... I'm hating myself right now... Why can't I just kill that f***ing b***h? She's really getting annoying each and everyday... Gosh... I can't stop cursing myself right now. I never thought that kind of girl is actually exist... A girl who puts money and everything above it all...

Gosh!!!

2008-02-12T12:44:00.000+07:00

I am sick!!!

Maybe, I wish...

2008-02-09T16:13:00.000+07:00

I wish everything could go as simple as that, just like a snap of your fingers and everything could go your way, but unfortunately... the answer just has to be 'no'. Although it doesn't mean that there's no way at all, but still... sometimes it just harder than it seems...

But why? Why couldn't it be the way that I want?

I keep asking why, why , why and why to myself. I'm great in giving people answers, but I can't give any answer to my own question... So sad...

I wish i could be a more open person than I am today. Well, in fact, I don't think I'm that open anyway, maybe not even to myself. Sometimes I find it hard to understand the way I feel inside, or maybe just scared to look deep into my heart... to finally realize that it is what it is... and when I do... all just too little too late... or so I thought...

Easy... Hard... Definitely hard...

2008-01-20T16:52:00.000+07:00

I am one of those girls who can easily fall in love... But at the same moment, I am one of those girls who's hard to be in love and love someone as a whole... But after I do in love with them... I am one of those girls who's definitely hard to forget the one that I once love...
What kind of girl am I?
It it a crime?
Is it right to call myself a woman now?
Why do I even ask that question???
Foolish!!!
Proud to be one, I guess... :(

Why Does It Have To Be This Way???

2008-01-20T16:40:00.000+07:00

Love and to love is more complicated than I thought it would be... Something has always get in the way... There's always something wrong in it. I know that I'm not supposed to expect for something perfect or whatsoever you wanna call it, but still...
I wish there's a less difficult way to love and to be loved...
I wish... only wishes...
I always say that I want to love someone in a whole, not parts. But when I think I could love him as a whole, not parts (since he's waaaaaay beyond the man of my dream), there's just something in between... Something that I'm sure cannot be fix, at least cannot be fix with my way... or this soon...
And when I'm ready to love someone as a whole, when I'm ready to love him back... the chance to love just slipped through my bloody frickin vein or whatever...
Oh... life... love... leaf... as in a clover... now I don't want to be left alone...

Hello... hello... :)

2008-01-07T13:26:00.000+07:00

Finally...
I managed to create a real blog here... a bit late (maybe more), but hey... better late than never, rite...
Anyway... Ehm... Just want to say hi to everyone here and...
by the way... again... you can request me for some songs, since I downloaded some songs here as well... so...
I'll wait...
Catcha later...

MaYbE I ShOuLd...

2007-12-27T18:28:00.001+07:00

Maybe I should say nothing at all since I always seem to say wrong things to anybody. Maybe I should just be a careless person, the one who cares for nothing, including herself nor the people she loves. Maybe I should just nod all the way or being the number one of the most ignorant person of all. Maybe I should be all of the above if those were the things that can make the people, that I love, happy...

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Merry F***ing Christmas...

2007-12-25T01:21:00.001+07:00

Why does it have to be me?Everytime...In the middle of family quarell,I have to step up and put my very f***ing best grin.I mean,I'm glad to do it,but getting tired of it...Tiring if it didnt get better,at all.Why do they don't even want to try,a bit...just a tiny little bit.Everything goes wrong in every one's eyes now.Everybody hates each other deep inside.Now,this is what you call Merry F***ing Christmas...

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JuDgEmEnT DaY

2007-10-13T17:53:00.001+07:00

Life is not about judge or being judge.Why do people always care about judging people.Are they already perfect themselves so they are given the priviledge to judge others?Eventhough they dont know them well?Is that fair?Call me resentful or whatever you like,but this is me.I might not be proud of me yet,but I feel comfy about me.I'd like to stay this way.For now...or forever...

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AnOTheR FrEaKinG ThiNG...

2007-10-11T23:33:00.001+07:00

Okay...it's obvious,he's out of reach.At least for now.. But still...Well,you know what???I dont know!!!

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#1 CriMiNaL

2007-10-10T21:43:00.001+07:00

How hard it is to accept someone the way they are.Why do I find it hard at times...There's sometimes something that comes from that person that bothes me but I found it hard to tell that person.Is that a crime?When it happens,what I need is some time off,although sometimes more.Is that a crime.Gosh,I think it already makes me a number one criminal...

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WoNdEr...JusT WonDeR...

2007-10-10T21:38:00.001+07:00

It's lovely when everybody likes you.Although in fact,it's absolutely impossible to have everybody to love you as in fact you cannot please everybody at the same time.I'm actually happy today since I made all of my friends,who heard my jokes,laugh their a** off.While at times I fear that they might not like me anymore.Well,I've been dumped by some of ex friends for no reason at all.Thats why I'm scared at times...

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JaYWaLkiNg's FuN,iSn'T iT?

2007-10-10T19:44:00.001+07:00

I walked across the street for times now and at some times I think I almost got hit by those cars...Yet I'm still survive.Although I promise to be more careful,but I break the promise yet again...Sometimes I think,what if I reall got hit at one time?Would that be scary?Well,I dont think I want to find out,though...Dont bother...

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DrEaM SeRiEs pt.2

2007-10-10T07:24:00.001+07:00

I dreamed about someone that I'm in love discreetly with.He may be younger and not good looking at all,but his mind and way of thinking are so much wiser.Now,this kind of man is the one that can make me love him wholly,not parts.But,I dont know if it wasnt another unreachable love of mine.Well lets just see,shall we?

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DrEaM SeRiEs pt.1

2007-10-09T07:18:00.001+07:00

This morning,or last night,I dont know,I dreamed about me getting a laptop...Gosh,I'm sure I really want to have it,but cannot afford it n no one wants to give it to me.I wonder when can I get it.I want it,I want it,I want it.Anybody wants to give it to me?Bet none,not for now anyway...Hope it's soon...Sooner than I hope.Haha!!!

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PrOuD To Be A DrEaMeR

2007-10-09T07:12:00.001+07:00

Okay,my blog might calle Just A Life,but I might start to write every dream that I had,course when I got the chance.I dont know why,but I just feel like it.So,like it or not,I'm gonna write it.Anyway,dreaming is part of life.You're not alive if you dont have a dream,and I'm proud to be a dreamer...

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I Need Myself Some Time Off

2007-08-12T23:21:00.001+07:00

Gosh!I thought getting a raise will be something that I'd be happy about,but no!!!I feel more pressure these days.Too much of anything!The kids will perform for 2 sequence weekends.So,double preparation,double too much pressure from people.Is my best not enough?Do I have to give my all to this?Am I willing to?I just need to be let go off the pressure from anyone.I need vacation!!!Some days off at work time...

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Gosh!!!

2007-08-04T19:26:00.001+07:00

Do I have to be a bitch everytime???

Good Lord...

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The Lake House

2007-08-04T18:45:00.000+07:00

I just watched the Lake House (from the book Il Mare), Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves played it. I thought it was just another drama with impossible story line. How come anybody, talk to each other at different timeline, different year?Since I’m in the stressful time these days, so I decided to rent some movies that came up to my mind. One of them was the Lake House… So, I watched it, and hey… I really think it was romantic. I like the Chicago walking together at the same date and different year, and at the end of the day, she found the writings on the wall saying that it was a great time to walk her there…It was a happy ending story after they twisted it. I thought he was the one in the car accident, but nope… he waited and they were together at last! I wonder do they finally eat at Il Mare…Will that moment be really happening in the reality?I wonder how it will be if it was happening to me…Well, if the man is like Keanu… I’ll be darn glad… who wouldn’t?I hope I can find MY Keanu soon enough.Remember when someone said, be careful of what you wish for, because it might come true?For all this time, I always pray to God, so I can have a boyfriend who will last until he becomes my husband, and we live together forever. I never want to have a boyfriend for the sake of a boyfriend. I want a love that will last. I don’t want to love my best friend, I mean… to have a relation more than friends and such. For the last point, someone that I thought or think I’m in love with, once said that when you break up with your boyfriend then you lost one of your best friend. So, is it possible to love your best friend without ruin the friendship itself? Well, lately I kinda think that it’s actually a possible thing to do. If your friendship ends at the end, then he’s not your real best friend in any way. Just think simple… simple, but hurting. Well, I don’t know… I’m not quite sure myself.Have I tried to love my best friend in the other way? Nope, I’m just too afraid to take the risk.Have I tried to love anyone? Yes… but, I could not love them the way I they said they loved me. I want to love someone in a whole not by parts, and I haven’t find one so far. Maybe I have, but, I don’t think he feels the same… at all. It saddens me. But, hey, what can I do? Well, I might be able to do something, but have no courage at all. I mean, I’m just too afraid to try…I never find any comfort to try… maybe that’s a start…So, for you out there… who thinks you can love me… please… comfort me… encourage me to try…

A Letter For Myself

2007-06-17T21:05:00.000+07:00

Dearest me,

He's taken, sweetheart...

Get over him, will you!!!

Love,

-Yourself-

I Saw Him There

2007-06-02T20:20:00.001+07:00

I was afraid to meet this guy again. And as I was assigned to work at his work area, I was like… DAMN! And just wish that I didn’t have to meet him. And I didn’t. At least, not when I was on duty as I kept avoiding going to that certain area where he works. But afterwards, I was having dinner with my high school friends, and there he was… across the street, working.I was lucky enough not to get eye to eye with him, which I assumed would be an awkward moment.But hey, I loved that feeling, when I don’t have any certain feeling, such as regret, that I don’t want to feel…I’m relieved…I’m sorry… Goodbye… You deserve to be happy, and I will find my own happiness with someone else…

Everything Can Happen At Any Moment

2007-06-02T20:18:00.001+07:00

One of my friends just broke the news for me earlier this afternoon. She said that one of our friends died last night from an accident (I haven’t asked if it was car or motorcycle that he rode that night).I couldn’t believe this news even up till now. I wasn’t that close with him, but still… I talked to him while I was in the Marching Band where he was one of the members as well, and yeah… He was a friend of mine.I don’t exactly know how to react to this kind of thing, such as death. One of my friends, who is believed to have an extra power or such, once told me that my reaction to this sometimes more to the feeling of amazed that this thing is actually happening on our daily lives. Yeah, people die. It could be anyone, anywhere, anytime. And the people who care about this people will be drown in some of deepest sadness that they will ever feel in their lives, that no one will ever be able to console them. Just dark…I always say that whatever happens to us is the best for all of us, and I believe it. I do. People die. That’s the best for them and everyone who loves and cares for the. But, I wonder, could I feel that way when it is my turn to lose the people that I love, that I care about, say, my mum or my dad or my sister. I couldn’t even bare to cry when my dad was, say helpless, when he has a stroke and, not all people can survive from this stroke thingy. Lucky us, we brought him just in time, and he’s alright now, thank God. I kept telling myself that whatever happens, will be the best for all of us. But still… I don’t know if I can bare it or not, when my sister still needs him to be around and me too. That moment, I just couldn’t ask for anything but my dad’s health. We definitely still need him in our lives. I prayed to God not to get him at that moment, when none of us was ready. And my prayer was answered. My dad’s getting better now.What if I die? That’s the question that sometimes pops in my mind actually. How long will my family will be in grief, will all my friends come to my funeral, or at least my closest friends, will I know who my true love is? Crazy??? I guess so… But, it came to my mind once or twice.Everything can happen at any moment, good or bad, one at a time, or all at once. We just have to be prepared as well as we can. And keep believing that every thing that will happen will be the best thing for you…PS. Rest in peace, Dan. God loves you and your family… It was nice to know you. We’re going to miss you.

This One's For You

2007-06-02T20:09:00.000+07:00

Wish I could be the one,

the one who could give you love

The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you that I'll always stay with you

But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you

Promise you forever,

baby that's somethig I can't do

I could say that I'll be all you ned but that would be a lie

I know I'd only hurt you,

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can find some way to understand

I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be

Who'll give you something better than the love you'll find with me

I could say that I'll be all you need but that would be a crime

I know I'd only hurt you,

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you, baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out

I love you, goodbye

This is definitely for you. This song speaks my heart. Well, at least I guess so. One of my friends said that I’m closing my heart for this one person to come in the future. I close my heart, including from you.But do I really close my heart for everyone to come in??? The answer will be NO!!! I’m willing to open my heart just for anyone. But, please don’t hope too much from me, because I don’t wanna hurt you or anyone at all. Not this way. I was not intending to do it by any chance.I just can’t be with you for some reasons that I don’t even know why I have those reasons, I don’t even know what. It’s just me. Not you… you definitely deserve someone better and that’s not me.I’ll be here… getting ready to love and to be loved… anyone and by anyone… at all…

I Just Love

2007-06-02T20:07:00.001+07:00

Yeah… I just love. All I want to do now is just love someone who can love me back in return of course. Who would that be??? I still don’t know... Some people come and some people go. It seems I never ready for all those people to come and go. But they did. Seems like I never ready to love or to be loved. One of the reasons is that I’m still saving one special spot in my heart for that someone that I don’t even know if he loves me or not… part of my heart say that he is the one for me. But, who knows what tomorrow bring… I just hope that someone can really see that I love him, and willing to love me back in return… I just hope he knows…

Evil Me

2007-06-02T20:02:00.000+07:00

First, I felt excited, then surprised and happy, and last, I felt like a true evil.Why??? Well, just today at church, I saw him again. My first crush, ever. I even fell in love with him once or twice, although he wasn’t as good looking as he was when he was a lot younger back then. So, can you really call it love? Well, I’m a call it, unreachable love. Why??? Well, I never know him, up til now. I mean, seriously, I know him and I know he knows me. But, we never spoke to each other like two people who knew each other. Get my point??? We just know one and another without any further connection.But, looked at him today or any other day after awhile, always bring that sort of feeling I cannot even explain, since I don’t know what it is myself. But, I kinda like it. Make me imagining something beautiful that he and I would have if we were together.Back about why I felt like a true evil…Well, what I remember was he with my elementary school’s friend, but she looked like ignoring him all along. Well, not along, or I don’t know, but that was what I saw two years ago at New Year’s party. I didn’t think that he deserved it. He deserved better, that is with me. And now, I saw him not with her anymore, but then I realised that they were sitting only two people away at the same row, and guess what? I was glad that they didn’t look like they were together again.But, what is so good when I can’t have him anyway??? Well, by knowing that he will find someone better… Hope it could be me… =)

The Childish In Me

2007-06-02T20:00:00.001+07:00

I’m not as grown up as you think I am. I still got the childish in me that often took me over. Wholly, solely.. and I just can’t get out.Talk is easy. Talk is cheap. But the action to the words is definitely the hardest part of all. To be done, to be tried, even to begin. I wish I could apply the words I said to people, to my younger, even to my older friends… I don’t want to be a cheap talker… although I could get an award for my words of wisdom to people…

Where???

2007-06-02T19:56:00.000+07:00

I caught myself so often in the question that no one could ever answer since the answer to my question is in me… and it feels like it’s nowhere to be found…

Forbidden Love

2007-06-02T19:54:00.000+07:00

Something forbidden that you cannot touch at all. But can you feel it?His smile is so beautiful that sometimes I just want to go and hug him just like that. His arms seem so strong that sometimes you can just feel them wrap you around and warm yourself all day.But for some strong reasons, you just cannot be with him at all. The gap between you two are too damn wide. Even wider than you think it is…What would you do then? When you know something isn’t meant for you, but you still want to have it?Well, just say that he’s too damn perfect and nothing is so good that last eternally. Well again, nothing is eternal. It’s like… nothing. Perfect or not, sooner or later, it’ll be gone.. what to do then?

Commitment VS Priority

2007-06-02T19:50:00.000+07:00

What is commitment?What is priority?For me, you have to put the commitment to your priority, a.k.a you have to commit to your priority. But, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have your commitment or something that isn’t your priority. In my opinion, that is only one thing that you can make as your priority, so you can erally focus on it. If you have more than one… how can you focus on it??? Think about it…Although you don’t make something as your priority but it doesn’t mean that you don’t take it seriously as you commit to it too…But what will you do if someone doubt your commitment?

Learnt My Lesson

2007-06-02T19:48:00.000+07:00

I don’t really like it when people just talking behind my back. Not literally behind my back, but talking about me without saying it was they’re talking about.I’ve made mistake, I know that, I don’t really have to hide it, at least to myself. Believe it or not, I think I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I used to. I still need people to tell me what did I do wrong, in case I didn’t realize it or if I think I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s totally okay, as long as they tell me with a little sense of respect. I need people to appreciate what I did, just respect my attempt and effort. At least I’ve tried my best. That’s why I hate it when people criticize me with no respect at all.I put my all when I did this occasion, even my heart and soul, seem like my every little thing. All went great just fine, at least, cuz no one told me anything, and I felt I did nothing fatally wrong. Until the next day someone just talked about the mistakes they say I made. She knew that it was me because she watched the show, she talked about it in front of me and I can feel her resentment on me. At first I didn’t know that it was me she talked about, until my friend told me about the mistake I’ve made. I thank her for that but I hate the woman that talked about it behind my back.I was totally broken down at that time, I was almost crying, but luckily I can go all the way throughout that day. Not as good as the day before, far from good, because I got no soul in it. But, hey, it’s over… I learned my lesson and didn’t do it again. No same mistakes, but I was too down to do better. So… another lesson to be learned…

I Love The Way You Love Me - Eric Martin

2007-02-18T17:36:00.001+07:00

That freaking song is constantly reminded me of someone that I loved (or love? I don’t know…) before. Someone who loved me more than I can ever imagine… I imagine doing the things that are mentioned in the song with him. It definitely will be romantic, since I believe that he is a romantic person as well… Silly??? I won’t take it that way… because, what I felt (I feel) was (is) true… Do I still love this person? Ehm… I guess so. But, I don’t think he does… So, I guess just have to wipe the dust… Do I still save my heart for him?

Simple Love

2007-02-18T17:34:00.000+07:00

“I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved. –JEWEL-“
When will love get as simple as you hope it’d be? Has love ever been that simple? Can you really trust without thinking? When will I experience that simple kind of love? For every time I trust someone without thinking, I always ended up as the hurt ones. Trust some many people and ended up getting hurt, betrayed… I had enough of that. Enough is enough…
But I still want to trust someone without thinking… I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally, to love a person easier by loving the person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts… and yes, this is how I want to be loved…
I know someone that I can love without thinking, someone that I can give my affection and patience generously, someone that I can love unconditionally. I love him with his flaws… I love him as a whole person, not parts… When will he love me this way?

Untitled

2007-02-18T17:33:00.000+07:00

Climbing each stair of a lifetime seduction
is a long far walk for your love that I’ve abandoned
a very beautiful love that is too good to be true
a very wonderful love that is too easy to turn blue
What is love to be called love, anyway?
when you don’t even know what love means
As love is a remarkable abstract property
that we claim we needed to continue our lives
through eternity

Learnt My Lesson

2007-02-18T17:31:00.000+07:00

I don’t really like it when people just talking behind my back. Not literally behind my back, but talking about me without saying it was they’re talking about.
I’ve made mistake, I know that, I don’t really have to hide it, at least to myself. Believe it or not, I think I’ve learned from my mistakes more than I used to. I still need people to tell me what did I do wrong, in case I didn’t realize it or if I think I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s totally okay, as long as they tell me with a little sense of respect. I need people to appreciate what I did, just respect my attempt and effort. At least I’ve tried my best. That’s why I hate it when people criticize me with no respect at all.
I put my all when I did this occasion, even my heart and soul, seem like my every little thing. All went great just fine, at least, cuz no one told me anything, and I felt I did nothing fatally wrong. Until the next day someone just talked about the mistakes they say I made. She knew that it was me because she watched the show, she talked about it in front of me and I can feel her resentment on me. At first I didn’t know that it was me she talked about, until my friend told me about the mistake I’ve made. I thank her for that but I hate the woman that talked about it behind my back.
I was totally broken down at that time, I was almost crying, but luckily I can go all the way throughout that day. Not as good as the day before, far from good, because I got no soul in it. But, hey, it’s over… I learned my lesson and didn’t do it again. No same mistakes, but I was too down to do better. So… another lesson to be learned…

Sekilas Memori

2007-02-18T17:27:00.000+07:00

Jumat kemaren dulu, Satriya bilang mo ngobrol nareng gue, masalahnya urgent, gue pikir masalah PSM ma Lucia tentang KPS. Padahal, hari itu juga ada lamaran tempat Mba Dini. Rencananya jem 7, ternyata jem 8. Yo wis, gue bilang ma Satriya jem 8an mungkin gue baru bisa pergi. Ternyata eh, ternyata... Ngaret lagi dong, hampir ampe jem 9. Alhasil, gue tambah BT. Pertama dibikin BT ma SMS Satriya, terus ini... Jadilah. Akhirnya gue bener2 pgn balik ke kost karena Satriya bilang ada yang pengen ketemu. Gue langsung assume kalo itu Nia, walopun ga yakin juga. Ehm, gue lebih kepengen pulang banget karena… suasananya mulai ga enak. Hehehe. Ga enak ke gue doing, seh. Biasalah, gue gituloh… Jadilah gue nekat minta dianter pulang. Eh... ga da yg mao, coba... Mnangislah diriku. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiih... Sumpah, kesel buanget!!! Prasaannya pake plus2, soalnya!!!
Ya sutralah... akhirnya, gue brasil pulang. N ternyata bener... ada Nia.... Wah, senangnya, jadi nangis terharu lagi karena demi ketemu dia gue ampe brantem ma nyokap gue. Tp, tetep bener kata Satriya, ga sia2. Karena gue mang kangen banget ma Nia. Ehm... temen gue yg satu ini lebih dari sekedar temen. Hehehe... in a good sense, she’s more like my sister... Karena dia satu2nya yg bisa memotivasi gue dengan cara yang ga bikin gue risih n bener2 malah terpacu... Niaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... awas lu, ya, kalo ga balik kemari lagi!!!
Selesai juga acaranya. Kumpul2 keluarga... resepsi... Not really enjoy it, but I pretty much enjoyed it the whole time. Ga ngerti... gue lagi meraa ga nyaman aja brada disitu. Padahal gue pengen banget ngumpul2 gitu. Ooooooooooh... gue tau kenapa... karena disitu ga cuma keluarga yang gue harapkan doang, ada yang laen juga... Tapi, bukannya mereka mengganggu, tapi... ada yang lain aja. Tapi, ehm... salah satunya ganteng.. Boleh digebet tuh.... Hehehe... Namanya... ada deh... Sekarang balik lagi... kemari... Hahahahahahahaha...
Persiapan wisuda belom kelar, neh... Belom cari make up, belom foto... ahahahahahahah... Malesnya... Maksud gue... Duh... males, d... Hehehehehe... Kayanya bakalan make yang deket rumah Budhe itu aja... Bagus, soalnya..> J

What's Inside A Broken Heart

2007-02-18T17:25:00.000+07:00

What’s inside a broken heart for sure? Regret? Sadness? Anger? Devastation? Hope??? Why do our hearts break, anyway? Lots of answers for that, but, do we ever find the right perfect answers? Find the perfect answers while there is nothing in the world that is perfect. What a life to have?! What a broken heart to mend.
Have my heart been broken? For all I can remember is broken every man’s heart who was (or is???) willing to give their whole life to me. What kind a fool I am? The unthankful person. But how can you take someone’s heart when you know you won’t give him something in return and eventually break the heart? Some might say, at least give some respect! I did, I always do give them some respect, in my kind of ways. If they wanted me to give respect their way by taking their hearts and break it later, well, I’d rather not…
Maybe I am mean, careless, ignorant, or whatever conclude that I’m a freaking crazy bitch, but… I don’t care. For that is me, and my thought, they can tell me if they don’ t like it, but never expect any changes soon or ever. I’ll change if I want to… if I think it is the best. I live my life for me… and I realize that I cannot please everybody at the same time…

I Wonder

2007-02-18T17:21:00.000+07:00

I wonder… how hard it is to open your heart for someone new? I keep telling myself that how can you love someone when you still in love when someone else? But, is it really love that you feel for that someone else? Or is it just curiosity to make him my man, with all those sweet words of wisdom that he’s been given me? Never met him, but he’s got my heart, and a promise, though, a say, I might say that way, if he turned 30 with no one beside him, then, it’ll be me… I’m willing to wait for that, though, since for me, he’s the perfect man, with all the flaws he has, that I’m looking for… Is he?

What Would You Do?

2006-10-18T20:33:00.000+07:00

You know that someone that you care about the most are doing something bad, something really bad that hurt another person that you love the most too. What would you do? Who will you defend, when you cannot defend anyone since each and everyone of them won't listen to you and will consider that you are in a certain side. You cannot take side, right? And... I don't know. I know what she did is wrong, but I won't tell the truth to the other, since I know that there's going to be a real big fight that will ruin our realtionship together. And I don't want that to happen. Am I wrong of doing that?She was sending an inappropriate text to the other through her relatives number that know nothing about the other. I know her relative, that's why I know she did it. There's no coincident like that, right???She'll meet her tomorrow... I don't know what will happen. Hopefully nothing bad. I don't know... I really don't know but I erally don't want anything bad to happen that will ruin our realtionship together. It's ruin already, and I don't want to make it worse... :(Why did she do this??? I know, because she's been hurt sooo deeply that she cannot stand it anymore. But, why can't she just say it straight to her face when she's hurt? Well, she's the type of keeping it to her alone, and just gooooooooooooooooooooo nuts. Is that good? Well, if nobody wants to understand eachother... How can the problem will be solved? Gosh... they're all adults, why can't they just sit face to face and talk it through???

Until The End Of Time

2006-10-18T20:26:00.000+07:00

Cloudy sky just stay here
Above my held-up high head
I now realize that you're no longer near
I now realize my faith has now nowhere to lay

The breeze no longer breathe on my face
Nor the wind to sing and pick up the pace
The stormy seas now satisfied
That I have you no longer inside

I wanna touch you one more time
I wanna bet this last dime of mine
I want a chance to say I miss you kind
I want a chance to say...
I will love you until the end of time...

Hand In Hand

2006-10-18T20:24:00.000+07:00

Love has always walk hand in hand with my loneliness

In a good way and bad

Sometimes I just don't know what it does and did to my life

But often I say I'm open wide to cherish with all my heart

At times I found out that my loneliness has blindfolded my love

But love has always win and take the loneliness to walk hand in hand again...

When will my love just walk hand in hand with me?

What A Feeling

2006-10-18T20:23:00.000+07:00

I always tell myself not to involve my feeling too deep to someone else before you really know them. But it's kinda hard. I always know myself as the one who easily fall in love with anything, not just anyone. Gosh... I'm just making myself too emotional at times... I mean, most of time. Is that a crime? Because sometimes I consider it a crime. Since it wearies my soul a lot. Just keep thinking and denying that I don't actually love em. Just lonely sometimes...But there are times when I just keep on realize that I love him... Keep denying it, but the truth just come back over and over again... I love him. He doesn't know it. I believe. I don't even think that he would care at all. Nad I don't even know if I care at all about he's loving me in return. Gosh... Am I a genuine idealist who always say that I don't want to have another relationship with my friends sice I don't want to ruin the realtionship that is there and good enough to go... or "If you love someone with all your heart, you won't need that someone to love you in return since you love them unconditionally with all your heart..."I thought I won't ever fall in love with my best f riend. I won't fall in love with someone who knows me inside out. I don't want to fall in love with him, I don't wanna ruin our great friendship. I don't wanna lose him. We both agree that we won't let this kinda love to stand in our way. But I can't... I surely can't... And I can't say how I really feel. Afraid that he will push me away... I can't even say I miss him too much too tell...Everytime he shares his pain, everytime he's hurt by his friends, I just wanna hold him tight and say that he don't need to worry cuz he got me ahere and love him for the way he is... :(
I really hope that he could just read my mind all along... And come here tell me what i really need to hear...

Kerja, Kerja, Kerja...

2006-10-18T20:22:00.000+07:00

Entering the working world is not as hard as I thought it would be. Well, at least until now. haven't doing anything much, though. But, I think it's gonna be just fine time and time ahead... hope it will.Everybody in High/Scope bandung seems to be nice. Start from the owners and my future co-workers, if I got through the 3 months probation. I really want to get into the high/Scope community a lot. It's really a great opportunity for me to grow, to work and just to everything.Just wish me luck, will ya?The pre-training day...
I didn't do much but to observe and help a little. Well, they didn't ask me much too. But, they'll evaluate that day. But I have mu defense that I prepare if they questioning my action. I'm just so ready... Because I knew I did my best :Dcan't wait for the trainning day. But I don't know what will happen on those days to come.

Hard To Be A Mediator

2006-10-18T20:11:00.000+07:00

Being a mediator is definitely not an easy thing to do. you cannot take side and for me, it's a pretty hard thing to do. Cuz sometimes, being fair is being mean to the other one, and I don't want that to happen, although it has to. You can always give em explanation why do you have to do it, but it is often not working since emotional people won't think clearly, at least they hard to think clearly and they tend to not thinking clearly if you take them to that certain topic.Ay... Well, at the end of the point, I'm proud being a mediator. It means they trust me to solve their problem and they'll pretty much listen to me... So, I ca ndoctrinize them... HAHA... JOKING!!!

Love is...

2006-10-05T10:26:00.000+07:00

Walking in this crazi walk of life

When all the ups and downs are taking side

There's a lot of love that is hype

Just like all the fresh fruits that ripe
Nothing feels so right, it flies

Nothing feels so deep, it lies

Nothing feels so sweet, it bleeds

Nothing feels so tender, it lives
Love is...

Love is there all the time

Among the bittersweet of mine
Love is...
Love is...

Remedy of Love

2006-10-05T10:23:00.000+07:00

Can you stop the world from turning?

make time stands still

So sweet things will last from its happening
Can you rewind all the sweet memories

and erase all the bad ones?
So you can live your life with no tragedies
I just want to move on

from this thing that becomes my sweet remedy

Remedy that cures all of my bad memories

Remedy of love
I just want this moment to last

What I Want

2006-10-05T10:17:00.001+07:00

In a blink of an eye

I want sonething that is not there to grasp

Something that is not even exist in a glance

Something that is unknown for everybody else

Including me, and a blink of an eye
I want something that I've never imagine before

Something absurd and never been told

By me or even by my whole lots of thoughts
I want to be loved...

not by whomever, but only by love

Love who seems to be distant from m life

Love who doesn't know me, not even try

Love who's diguising into something

Something that is not even exist in a glance

Something unknown, absurd, and never been told

Eyes of My Heart

2006-10-05T10:09:00.000+07:00

Open the eyes of my heart

so I can szee your love coming down the line

For my life and yours have just begun

and stay forever this even sweeter in the mind
Open the eyes of my heart

so I can see that sun that's shinning bright

for my life and yours can running wild

and stay forever keep them in our mind
Open the eyes of my heart

so I can see you with the spot of light

For my life and yours join to one

and stay forever in the beauty that we find

Lay on My Bed

2006-10-04T18:51:00.000+07:00

Lay on my bed

thinking exactly nothing

not even you, though I want to

Lay here on my bed

thinking exactly nothing

not even you, the one that sees me through

Lay here on my bed
thinking exactly nothing

not even you, the place that I want to pull through

Lay here on my bed
thinking exactly nothing

not even you

though it's you

I want to give my heart to

I Am Afraid

2006-10-04T18:47:00.000+07:00

I am afraid to

think about us

ended up together at last

Sharing lives

Sharing dreams to come alive

Sharing dreams

Sharing lives that live in dreams

Sharing our love

I am afraid

to think about us

Afraid to open my heart

and shout

that I love you very much

Anything About You

2006-10-04T18:43:00.000+07:00

If there's something I really want to do

It'll be anything about you

To think of you each and every second of my life

To breathe you in every inhale of my lung

But, for all of the most

is to love you in each and every beat of my heart

I really want to love you

Care for my feeling that haven't sure

If I really do love you...

An Angel's Wing

2006-10-04T18:39:00.000+07:00

An angel's wing

Falls over me

and crying for me to catch it

to make a wish on it

and throw it back to the air

hope that it will reach the angel's own

just right on time...

Make my wish come true,

dear angel

So, that your wing's fall

means something more

that is beautiful...

Akhirnya... W I S U D A...

2006-10-01T21:43:00.000+07:00

At first, gue kira gue ga bakalan lagi ngerasain greget wisuda karena gue sering banget tugas buat wisuda di PSM. Ternyata eh, ternyata, awalnya memang demikian. Dressed up, da gitu duduk. tapi, ternyata eh ternyata, gue gugup juga. Pas giliran FISIP, perasaan gue langsung dag dig dug. banyak faktor. Tapi, ehm... gitu de, ga bisa dijelasin karena gue sendiri ga tau apa yang benernya gue rasain selain butterflies in my stomach. Hahaha. Terlintas dipikiran gue kalo gue takut tepukan dari anak PSM ga semeriah anak psM yang laen. Tapi, ketakutan itu terjawab... alias tidak terbukti. Ooops... ngaco, ya??? Ehm.. tepukannya meriah juga... Yeah. Thanks guys, akhirnya gue ngerasain apa rasanya disorakin begitu. Walopun gue ga sempet ngeluarin gaya andalan yang gue pikir bakal gue keluarin. Apa, seeeeeh??? Ga penting d... Abis wisuda, gue dikejutkan lagi oleh berbagai hadiah tambahan dari temen2 gue terkasih dan tersayang. huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Gue ga nyangka dapet sebanyak itu. Gue kira cuma dari PSM doang, tapi ternyata... LUCIA juga ngasih. Whoopsee.. .jadi malu!!! Aduh, aku dah jarang banget dateng Lucia, bahkan berani bilang kalo bukan anggota Lucia, tapi ternyata... Love you guys... :D Banyak bunga, banyak kado... tapi yang penting... Hampir semua orang2 penting dalam hidup gue dateng... Mama n Papa, itu jelas, trus ada tante2 yang deket ma gue, ponakan, sepupu yang gue sayang ada semua.... Temen gue juga... Ada NIA... Hahaha... My other sister, that's what I call her now... Jujur... gue bener2 seneng dia ada disini. Hehehe...

Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bgt itu yg gue rasain setelahnya. maklumlah, gue belom sempet tidur... Karena gue mang ga bisa tidur malem sebelumnya. Ampe jem 12 ngabisin waktu ma Ivan, Joyce, Putra, Wimam, Lambas, Satriya n Nia di halaman. Pulang dianter Putra dah gitu. Ga bisa tiduer... dari kamar ke kamar laen, dari lantai ke lantai laen, tetp ga bisa tidur. Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Alhasil, pagi2nya, agak kurang dapat menahan emosi n sempet ngebentak Papa yang agak banyak tanya. Hehehe... Maaf, ya, Pa.. Love you... :D Tapi berhasil lewat. Foto2 syudio, malah jadi foto keluarga. Eh... tau, ga??? Gue ga fotogenik bgt disitu. Smua posenya kaya orang kaget. Huahahahahahahaha..> Dong2.. Da gitu, kaya ibu2 pula... Ah... sutralah... Mo diapain lagi. Hahahahahahaha...

Apa laghi yg lucu ya??? Ehm,,, nyanyi BUNDA... gemeter... itu mah bukan lucu, tapi sidah biasa... Hehehe... Tapi akhirnya nggak kok...:D

kayaknya... tapi MOHON DIRInya ancuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur bgt. Hehehehehehehehehe....

Duh... sutralaya... :D

Oh... satu lagi... Hehehe... gue wisuda bareng satu gebetan terakhir gue... Hayo sapa???

Hurry Wedding...

2006-09-17T13:56:00.000+07:00

Hahaha… Hari Jumat kemaren, Satriya bilang mo ngobrol nareng gue, masalahnya urgent, gue pikir masalah PSM ma Lucia tentang KPS. Padahal, hari itu juga ada lamaran tempat Mba Dini. Rencananya jem 7, ternyata jem 8. Yo wis, gue bilang ma Satriya jem 8an mungkin gue baru bisa pergi. Ternyata eh, ternyata... Ngaret lagi dong, hampir ampe jem 9. Alhasil, gue tambah BT. Pertama dibikin BT ma SMS Satriya, terus ini... Jadilah. Akhirnya gue bener2 pgn balik ke kost karena Satriya bilang ada yang pengen ketemu. Gue langsung assume kalo itu Nia, walopun ga yakin juga. Ehm, gue lebih kepengen pulang banget karena… suasananya mulai ga enak. Hehehe. Ga enak ke gue doing, seh. Biasalah, gue gituloh… Jadilah gue nekat minta dianter pulang. Eh... ga da yg mao, coba... Mnangislah diriku. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiih... Sumpah, kesel buanget!!! Prasaannya pake plus2, soalnya!!!
Ya sutralah... akhirnya, gue brasil pulang. N ternyata bener... ada Nia.... Wah, senangnya, jadi nangis terharu lagi karena demi ketemu dia gue ampe brantem ma nyokap gue. Tp, tetep bener kata Satriya, ga sia2. Karena gue mang kangen banget ma Nia. Ehm... temen gue yg satu ini lebih dari sekedar temen. Hehehe... in a good sense, she’s more like my sister... Karena dia satu2nya yg bisa memotivasi gue dengan cara yang ga bikin gue risih n bener2 malah terpacu... Niaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... awas lu, ya, kalo ga balik kemari lagi!!!
Selesai juga acaranya. Kumpul2 keluarga... resepsi... Not really enjoy it, but I pretty much enjoyed it the whole time. Ga ngerti... gue lagi meraa ga nyaman aja brada disitu. Padahal gue pengen banget ngumpul2 gitu. Ooooooooooh... gue tau kenapa... karena disitu ga cuma keluarga yang gue harapkan doang, ada yang laen juga... Tapi, bukannya mereka mengganggu, tapi... ada yang lain aja. Tapi, ehm... salah satunya ganteng.. Boleh digebet tuh.... Hehehe... Namanya... ada deh... Sekarang balik lagi... kemari... Hahahahahahahaha...
Persiapan wisuda belom kelar, neh... Belom cari make up, belom foto... ahahahahahahah... Malesnya... Maksud gue... Duh... males, d... Hehehehehe... Kayanya bakalan make yang deket rumah Budhe itu aja... Bagus, soalnya..> :D

Friendship hurts...

2006-09-12T10:15:00.000+07:00

Tapi, apakah harus gue yang menyakiti temen gue itu... Oh... tentu saja tidak... Well, well, well... Hari ini ada aja yang ulang tahun, tapi, gue males aja ngucapinnya... kenapa? Karena kemaren, dia ga ngucapin selamat ultah ke gue.Bales dendam, neh??? Ehm... kurang lebih demikian... Kekanak2an, ya? Biarlah... gue ga peduli... Gue hebat bgt d... Masa masih bisa tahan temenan ma temen yang ga perhatian ma lul... Gila, ya??? Gimana, seh cara menilai orang. Sepertinya, semua penilaian gue tentang seseorang itu banyak banget salahnya. Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia... BT bgt, dah! Ada aja orang kayak gitu... Orang yang gue kira bisa gue percaya sebagai teman, sekarang gue ga tau apakah dia masih nganggep gue sebagfai temen atau sedang sibuk menjilat orang2 lain yang sangat berpengaruh didalamnya.

Awesome...

2006-09-04T11:24:00.000+07:00

Kemaren... St. Cecilia konser di GSG... Hehehe... Gue akhirnya menerima jadi protokoler di hari terakhir karena ada... Pak Tommy Prabowo... Orang ini mang bener2 bikin gue terenyuh. Duh... jadi jatuh hati. Jujur, gue ga ngarep dia bakal inget gue setelah KPS kemaren. Tapi, ternyata... dia masih ingat dan merangkulkan tangannya... Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

JAdi inget masa2 KPS dimana dia akan membukakan pintu mobil buat gue. Padahal, mestinya gue yang ngebukain buat dia... Hehehe. Akhirnya, gue juga bukain pintu buat dia... sampe akhirnya kami sama2 saling membukakan pintu. hahaha... Konyol.!

Trus, hari munggu ke Gereja bareng ma Aris ma Erlie juga dan kami menemukan dia sedang menunggu mobil sembari bermain dengan seekor kucing yang entah dateng dari mana... Bapak... bapak... Haha... Gimana kita ga kangen...

Akhir KPS... para LO juri n transport memberikan suatu kenang2an yang benernya ga seberapa, cuma kartu doang yang ditandatangan... Yang ada... gue langsung dihadiahi pelukan hangat yang kedua setelah sebelumnya pelukan itu didapat dari kesenengannya dia gara2 lampunya hidup lagi... (hanya anak2 yang hadir pada waktu itu yang tau apa yang terjadi... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...) Abis itu, malam keakraban dilanjutkan di Oh La La... dimana Aris membawa serta PR Fisikanya, kalo ga salah...

Seandainya, kemaren gue punya lebih banyak waktu untuk ngobrol... Belom lagi selesai pengaduan, tentang ditolaknya topik SMM. Pdhl dia dah bersedia ngebantu gue... hiks... Baik, ya!!!

Seandainya... what if...

Easy To Fall...

2006-09-02T10:36:00.000+07:00

Kadang kala... gue sering bilang kalo jatuh cinta itu adalah suatu perasaan yang sangat indah... Tapi, ga jarang juga, kalo akhirnya... ga da indah2nya. Hehehehehe...

Pertanyaannya sekarang adalah... kenapa kok gue gampang banget jatuh cinta... (Cie... cie...), tapi, giliran bisa digapai, guenya malah ngelepasin gitu aja... Kenapa ya??? Salah asuhan??? Hahaha... Ya gak, lah... Takut??? Mungkin... Karena, gue benernya ga pernah mo ngerusak suatu hubungan yang dah gue jalin secara baik selama ini...

2006-09-01T19:02:00.000+07:00

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through
When I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself
Ooh, whoa yes, mm
My love is tainted by your touch
Well, some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well, tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away
Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself
I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you
It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from my..
Myself

The Right Man

2006-09-01T18:56:00.000+07:00

So many years have gone by
Always strong, tried not to cry
Never felt like I needed any man
To comfort me in life
But I'm all made up today
A veil upon my face
But no father stands beside me
To give this bride away
Well, I'm standing in the chapel
Wearing my white dress
I have waited for this moment
With tears of happiness
Here I leave behind my past
By taking the chance
I've finally found the right man
Thoughts racing fast through my mind
As I'm gazing down the aisle
That my future will mend the memories
Torn between father and child
My emotions overload
'Cause there is no hand to hold
There's no shoulder here to lean on
I'm walking all on my own
Here I go..
Now I'm standing at four corners
"To have and to hold",
Now my love, you stand beside me
To walk life's winding road
And I owe it all to you
For taking that chance
You've shown me there's a right man
'Cause I never knew a right man
Well I'm standing in the chapel
Ready to confess
That I've waited for this moment
With tears of happiness
Now I leave behind my past
By taking the chance
Oh, whoa
Well I'm standing at four corners
"To have and to hold",
Now my love, you stand beside me
To walk life's winding road
And I owe it all to you
For taking the chance
And one day, my little girl
Will reach out her hand
She'll know I found the right man..

Do I?

2006-09-01T14:07:00.000+07:00

Ehm... pertanyaan ini muncul di benak gue beberapa hari belakangan ini. "Apakah gue masih sayang ma dia? APakah gue pernah bener2 sayang ma dia?" Ehm, tough question, yeah...

Ga ngerti juga, tapi waktu kemaren dia ada masalah ma seseorang... gue pengen banget dateng, ngomong ma dia trus meluk dia or something... Ampe kebawa mimpi, bow!!! Tapi, well, he has a crush on someone now... SOmeone that I thought she is better than me... I hope she loves him rite... DOn't wanna see him hurt...

WrOnG iDoL

2006-09-01T13:53:00.000+07:00

Pernahkah lu memilih idola yang salah? Well, tentunya disini gue ga ngomongin Indonesian Idol or so, tapi orang yang lu jadikan panutan dalam perjalanan hidup lu.Gue punya Christina Aguilera sebagai role model gue dan untuk panutan yang ada disekitar gue... well, gue juga punya. Tapi, ntah kenapa, sekarang ini gue justru melihat dia tidak layak jadi panutan lagi. Ehm, mungkinkah gue jadi seperti dia all totally? Well, I truly hope I won’t... Except all the good things...PS. Tenang... panutan ini bukan nyokap ato bokap gue, kok... I still look up to them for the way they are... cuz they raise me well... Jadi, beginilah hasilnya. Hehehe... Luv ya Dad, Luv ya Mom... =D

Vides Vocem

2006-09-01T13:49:00.000+07:00

Abis UCV itu ada VIVO alias Vides Vocem. Dimana Vivo adalah kelanjutan dari UCV alias temapt para alumni. mereka masih pelayanan dan bernyanyi kesana kemari. Nah, masalahnya VIVO tuh di Jakarta, sedangkan gue di Bandung... Jadi, jarang banget bisa latian. Belom lagi kalo tempat dan waktu latiannya sulit dijangkau. Jadi, d...
Dah gitu, sekalinya latian bareng Milke, langsung d... ga ngerasa home lagi. Baru, setelah selesai latian adn kumpul makan2 menemukan rumah keduaku lagi... jadi, intinya, rumah kedua gue itu Cuma UCV. Hehehe... Kalopun ada yang nyuruh gue wake up and face the harsh truth kalo UCV is dead, well, sorry... I’d rather keep on dreaming...

UCV

2006-08-31T18:57:00.000+07:00

Sering banget gue nyebut ini rumah kedua gue. Tapi, mang kenyataannya gitu. Dulu, jaman2nya SMU, betah banget di UCV. Kalo misalkan boleh sekolah di UCV, gue bakal jabanin banget. Banyak banget kejadian yang ga kan pernah bisa gue lupain, termasuk waktu audisi gue malah nyayi Sometimes. Hahaha... Gelo!!! Sapa juga yang tau kalo benernya choir itu bakal nyanyiin lagu2 klasik??? Well, hehe, maap aja. Tapi, gue brasil bertahan disitu, despite all the problems antara MB & UCV yang tokoh utamanya adalah gue, dan mengakibatkan gue ampe dipaksa untuk mengundurkan diri jadi ketua... :’(
Tiap kali UCV mo ikut lomba, baik itu KPS maupun FPS pasti gue menitikan aer mata, termasuk setelah pengumumannya. Baik itu juara, maupun gagal juara. Ehm, tapi, gue ga ngrasa pernah kalah ma skali . mungkin pada saat ini ada yang mao menyadarkan bahwa UCV is nothing but a loser, tapi itu sangat tidak berlaku buat gue dan gue ga keberatan kalo gue dibilang pemimpi disini!!! Sama aja ma Paul. Waktu ultah UCV tanggal 25 Agustus kemaren, dia sama positive thinkingnya ma gue. Ini kutipan suratnya.

For all UCVers,

Happy 7th Birthday for our UCV.

Teman-teman, pernah mencoba sekali-sekali membuka album foto-foto atau videoatau memorabilia apapun dari UCV? Coba buka sekali lagi hari ini. Gw baruaja melakukan itu. Minimal dari album foto yahoo group baik yang UCV maupunUCVOS.Entah kenapa, perasaan gw campur aduk ngeliat itu semua. Entah bagaimanangungkapinnya. Banyak tawa, tangis, perjuangan dan kebersamaan di situ.Sejujurnya gw pengen menangis ngeliat itu semua. Banyak momen yang ingin gwulang kembali. Ngeliat foto-foto itu, seperti mengingatkan gw akan banyaknyateman-teman yang benar-benar hilang dari hidup gw. Saat dulu gw tertawa danbernyanyi bersama. All 4 one, one 4 all. Sekarang entah ke mana semua itu.Gw juga iri, sangat iri, melihat semua foto-foto saat teman-teman mengikutilomba.Iya, Flo, iya, Yiska, dan teman-teman semua, gw adalah ketua UCV yang tidakpernah mengikuti lomba sama sekali. Sebuah reputasi paling memalukan danmenyedihkan bagi gw. Hahaha. Gw bener2x pengen ikut momen-momen itu. Gwpengen ikut berjuang berlatih, gw pengen ikut menangis bersama-sama saatmomen pengumuman. Tapi gw tidak akan pernah punya kesempatan itu lagi. 6tahun lalu gw menangis karena tidak diperbolehkan ikut ke ITB, dan gw tidakpernah diperbolehkan ikut lomba apapun. Gw benar-benar menangis miris daniri sama kalian.8 tahun lalu, PERSEVERA berdiri sebagai embrio dari UCV. Walau gw saat itumenginginkan agar PERSEVERA dilebur ke UCV, entah kenapa sekolahmengharapkan PERSEVERA bertahan. Kemarin waktu di CC, gw melihat di kapelada anak2x CC berlatih paduan suara dengan sekelompok sopran dan alto. Entahdari mana cewek2x itu, tapi terasa miris, karena seharusnya suara nyanyianitu berasal dari UCV.Tidak, teman-teman, UCV belum mati.Guys, selama setengah tahun gw di rumah sakit, banyak kejadian pasienmeninggal, bahkan di depan mata kepala gw sendiri. Bagaimana beberapa saatsebelumnya masih bicara, tiba-tiba keadaan memburuk, napas hilang dan dalam30 menit ke depan tak tertolong.Namun, yang pengen gw ceritakan adalah bagaimana proses pertolongan saatnapas pasien hilang. Segera para dokter Emergency Room langsung bergegasmengambil berbagai peralatan, obat, alat pacu jantung. RJP (ResusitasiJantung Paru), etc,etc,etc, dilakukan. Ada kalanya sia-sia karena pasien taktertolong, ada kalanya hanya memperpanjang hidup sebentar, dan ada kalanyakembali hidup.Pada pasien dengan stadium penyakit apapun, separah apapun, bahkan kalokasarnya udah pasti mati, saat terjadi napas hilang, prosedur penyelamatanakan dilakukan. (Kecuali keluarga pasien menolak) RJP, dan blablabla lainnyaakan terus dilakukan sampai pasien DINYATAKAN meninggal.Itu yang gw percayai untuk UCV.Sudah beberapa kali teman-teman di Jakarta mati-matian menyelamatkan UCV. Gwsudah 2 kali ketemu suster. Saat gw nyetir bolak-balik Jakarta-Bandung hanyauntuk ketemu suster, temen gw bilang gw gila. Bahkan saat dalam perjalanan,gw mengatai diri gw sendiri gila. Biaya, waktu, tenaga, dan kemungkinankeberhasilan pertemuan gw dengan suster kecil, what the hell are you doing,Paul? Ya, gw akui gw gila. Saat itu gw tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaan itusendiri. Yang gw tau, gw harus tetap ke Jakarta demi UCV.Hari ini, saat gw buka foto-foto itu, gw temukan alasan gw dan jawaban daripertanyaan gw itu. Gw tidak gila.Napas UCV di masing-masing sekolah sudah sangat sedikit, nyaris hilang.Semangat teman-teman alumni sudah pudar. Mungkin ada yang sudah tidak ingatUCV lagi. Mungkin ada yang sudah tidak akan bertemu lagi.Tapi, gw tidak mau menyerah selama napas kecil itu masih ada.Gw tidak mau menyerah selama semangat itu masih belum sepenuhnya pudar.Ada 2 tanda kematian fisik UCV:1. Kata ’tidak’ secara permanen dari kedua sekolah2. Kata ’tidak’ dari teman-teman kedua sekolah dan alumniSebelum tanda itu ada, sekecil apapun kemungkinannya,JANGAN MENYERAH, TEMAN-TEMAN!Hari ini, 25 Agustus 2006, pagi-pagi gw akan bertugas di sebuah puskesmas disalah satu tempat paling terpencil, terkumuh, dan terpojok di Bandung.Banyak tugas yang harus dilakukan, dan gw bener2x bingung dengan apa yangharus dilakukan. Banyak hal tak pasti hari ini di sana. Tapi, gw akanjalanin hari ini dengan satu hal yang gw pasti tahu,UCV hari ini merayakan tahun kehidupannya yang ketujuh. UCV yang sangat gwcintai.

Happy 7th Birthday, UCV.

25 Agustus 2006

May God Bless Our Beloved UCV.

Sebuah surat dari seorang ketua UCV yang paling memalukan

yang tidak pernah mengikuti lomba,

Paul Jonathan

See... itu bikin gue bener2 terharu ampe hampir menitikan aer mata di tempat umum. Warnet Zee tepatnya... Walopun, in some parts, justru mengingatkan gue pada film ER yang sering gue tonton. Hehehe…
Dan tulisan ini, justru bikin gue tambah terenyuh…

ngerayainnya gimana yah udah deh nyanyi sendiri sendiri aja

ucv is dead

mau sampai kapan baru sadar wake up and face the harsh truth

dan percaya kalo UCV masih ada…
Huahahahahahahahahahahahaha............. VIVA UCV..............

Tega, ya???

2006-08-23T14:15:00.000+07:00

Tapi... Lucu jua kalo diliat2... Hahahahaha...
Introducing... MY ROLE MODEL...

2006-08-21T15:53:00.000+07:00

Sehari bersama Flo…
It’s been while sejak dia pergi ke Korea… Hahaha.. Ngakunya kurusan, tapi, well, yang gue liat cuma putihan doangz… Flo… Flo… Sepertinya tiada henti dia menyebut dirinya artis.
Janjian ketemu di Biara ursulin, Supratman. Rinda bilang misanya jem 5.45. datanglah gue pada waktu tersebut. Alhasil... pintu biara belom dibuka... GELAP... Ga da orang ma skali... nongkronglah diriku bersama satpam... Untung satpamnya cukup ganteng. Hehehe... lucunya... Alhasil... jem 6 lewat mobilnya Aris baru dateng beserta rombongan... Flo, Monic, Harry, Beca... Duaaaaaasar!!!
Bis itu, langsung masuk ke Kapelnya... isinya... SUSTER semua... Hahaha... Pas mereka nyanyi... O Lord... bagus banget... JUST LIKE HEAVEN... Tapi, pas gue keluar dan bilang hal itu... Mereka bilang karena gue ngantuk... Ehm... mungkin juga, seh... Haha...
Setelah itu, nganter mein vater y mi madre plus my sister... =P
Abis itu, setelah ganti tempat beberapa kali. Akhirnya ketemuan di Ciwalk... Ada kejadian lucu... Waktu mo masuk... gue da berdiri di depan pintu, tapi ga kebuka2 pintunya... DODOL banget, ternyata, tu pintu otomatis baru kebuka jem 10, sedangkan itu belom jem sgitu... Hahaha... Plus, ternyata mereka ada di Starbucks... Duh... Pas di Starbucks... ntah apa dan gimana, ada yang ngasih tissue ke gue, tapi, ampe kita keluar dr sana, baik Monic maupun Beca, ga da nyang mo ngaku... Huaaaa!
Dari sana... mengarah ke Mie Kejaksaan... Seharian gue ikut mobil Paul... dan, ntah kenapa, di sana gue jadi nraktir mereka... Yo wis la ya... Jarang2... Untung duitnya cukup. Hahahahahaha... What a day...
Belom abis juga... disambung dengan karaoke night... Dung2... waktu lagu Ingatlah Hari Ini... hampir aja gue nangis... Gila, ya... UCV itu benernya dah jadi rumah kedua buat gue. Jaman2nya UCV dibentuk... kekeluargaan itu beneran terasa... ampe sekarang... Around 7 years, tapi dari angkatan pertama masih aja bisa barengan... Sooooooooooo... I always feel home when I'm around them...
Tapi, yang di Jakarta lebih rame... ada Aurel pula... Wah2... Coba kalo smuanya digabung...
Well, great moments memang mahal harganya....
Sekarang... mestinya Flo dah balik lagi kesono.. .Lupa tanggal berapa, tapi, dia pamit, kok... :D
Miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boooooooooo... sumpah... BT gue...

2006-08-19T15:36:00.000+07:00

Sama sapa?

Sama pembantu di kost gue???

Kenapa... Ehm.. karena dia ngeluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh terus...

Does she ever thankful for what she already have? And that more people is more misarable than her???

Oh gosh...

Stop it, will you???

Am I being careless...

2006-08-19T11:53:00.000+07:00

Pernah ada temen gue yang bilang kalo gue tuh ga peduli ma mreka... Alasannya, mungkin gue jarang tanya mereka ngapa2in aja... Tapi, itu semua basically gue lakuin karena gue ga mo gangguin mereka... Kalopun mereka mo cerita apapun ma gue, ya cerita aja... Termasuk rahasia dan cerita2 kalo mereka benernya sebel banget ma orang yang deket ma gue... I might be not a good advisor... but I can assure that I'm a good listener...
Noone's a good advisor anyway... Ngomong itu gampang, ngelakuin itu yang susah... belom lagi, mereka ga tau siapa kita sebenernya, We know ourselves better, and God knows best...
What about best friends... Well, smua good advises adalah suatu kecocokan yang ga terjadi gitu aja... Lu bisa jadi temen baik karena punya beberapa kecocokan dengan temanmu itu... See... Sarannya pun ga kan 100 persen tepat... You have to take risk to make your own decision... jadikanlah semua saran yang lu dapet dari temen2 baikmu sebagai suatu masukan dan pertimbangan... If the advise works... you have to thank them dan thank yourself... kalo ga mempan... you have to look back at yourself and not blame your friends, since you're the one who makes the decision to use their advise... Got what I mean???
So... am I being careless?

TErima Teman Apa Adanya

2006-08-19T11:16:00.000+07:00

Belakangan, gue sering banget bilang... Lu harus terima teman apa adanya... Well, kalo ma Helen, Tiya, Junjun, Sisca n yang sering maen ma gue, jelas seringkali, karena... ya gitu d... Dasar anak2 gila... Love you guys!!! Haha... :p
Untuk kondisi paling serius... Well, kejadian juga... Friendship hurts... itu term baru yang gue temukan. Kalo ga salah, nemunya bareng Sisca...
Gue pernah ngalamin dibuang temen, over some lame excuse if I look back... Hampir dibuang temen... Ehm.. kalo ini, ya udahlahya... Mungkin guenya aja nyang terlalu sensitif... But, it happens... bahkan, rasa2nya... bakalan kejadian.. Hehehe...
Tapi, gue punya definisi sendiri tentang teman..., ya itu... Lu harus bisa terima teman apa adanya... sedikit banyak... Bukan cuma ma pasangan, tapi ma temen juga... Pada dasarnya, kalo lu berhubungan, ya, lu harus terima dia pa adanya... Kalo ga, ya, gimana lu bisa berhubungan...??? Kalo, yang pertama ini ga bisa lu pake, ya... I can barely say, that No friends term will be used...
Berat...
So pasti...
Terserah kalo lu mo bilang gue pilih2 temen ato nggak... Tapi, ya itu...
Emang ada kalanya gue ga bisa terima mereka apa adanya... Tapi, gue akan liat ke gue sendiri, apakah gue masih akan bisa melanjutkan hubungan gue ma dia dengan segala keterbatasannya... ??? Kalo nggak... ya udah...
Kalo kemudian muncul pertanyaan apakah gue sendiri pernah membuang teman ato tidak... jawabannya adalah... Ya... Kok gue tega??? Karena gue percaya dia sendiri ga punya perasaan. Hehehehehe... =D dengan kata lain... bagi gue ga penting temenan ma orang yang ga punya perasaan sepanjang hidupnya gaul ma orang lain... Walaupun, kadang being senseless is important...
Kalo misalkan satu rombongan teman dan lu happens to hate one of them dan lu ngrasa ga bisa lagi berhubungan ma dia... Apakah lu harus mengorbankan yang laen... Menurut gue nggak... Mungkin lu keluar dari grup itu, tapi, bukan berarti lu putus hubungan ma yang laennya... Lu juga ga harus berubah, tapi lu HARUS mencoba menyessuaikan diri dengan yang laen... Menyesuaikan diri itu bukan berarti berubah, kok... Kalo ga bisa juga, ya udah... Dengan syarat... you tried your best... Tapi, jangan pernah tutup telinga ma saran orang, walaupun you're the one who knows yourself better, and God knows best... Mungkin aja mereka melihat sesuatu yang lu ga bisa liat pada saat itu karena perasaan lu masih dirundung oleh kebencian yang menutupi...
Terima teman apa adanya itu bikin gue survive banget dalam hubungan pertemanan yang gue jalin ke banyak orang... Bayangkan... gue benci banget ma orang oportunis, ga perhatian... tapi, gue bisa temenan ma mereka... Hehehehehe... Ayo sapa??? =P

Ngantuk banget bawaannya...

2006-08-18T12:27:00.000+07:00

sekarang aja nggak... karena sedang ngedownload virus definition nyang baru... hiks...
Ngantuk banget... berasa sekolah lagi, karena kudu bangun pagi... Dasar kebo!!! Hehehehehehehe...
Miss someone, neh... :(

Geng Baru...

2006-08-18T12:07:00.000+07:00

Namanya Geng Gendut... Wah... keberadaannya akan menyaingi Geng Alto... Geimana cara??? Orang yang Geng Alto aja masuk disitu juga... Ada gue, Hilda, Deta, Donna... Huaaaaaahahahahaha... Lucunya... Yang kurusan akan dikeluarkan secara tidak hormat.... hahahahaha... DODOL!!! Ayo pilih no. anggota!
Oya... skelai gue tekankan... geng ini lucu2an, loh... Ta ada maksud tertentu....

Blindly Blindfolded

2006-08-11T11:09:00.000+07:00

It’s cloudy out there
And the sun hides
behind the skies
Can’t look nowhere
The sound of the crows
get in the crowd
Crows in doves-clothes
Beauty that is skin deep ‘bout
Singing,
but cannot hear the tune
Flying,
but cannot see the wings
Blindly blindfolded

Journey of Life

2006-08-11T11:08:00.000+07:00

As I sit here...
Waiting for my journey of life
I kinda think of what it would be like
if I had you by my side
Would it be nice
to feel your warming hugs
every time I need one, not as cold as ice
Would it be soft
to feel the palm of your hands
when you guide me as I lost
Would it be sweet
to feel your lips pouting mine
and to feel your heartbeat
I kinda have this never ending thought
Is it just a summer feeling of begging you?

Or is it something surreal that I can lost into…

Mask of Clay

2006-08-11T11:07:00.000+07:00

I wanna take off this mask of clay
that I use all along the way
Don’t want to bother about it no more
cuz I’m getting tired to clean it
It’s causing me a lot of sore
But it’s really hard to take off all of it
This beautiful mask is getting hard to carry
Loaded me with stuff and sweet memories
Though I know I cannot go on hidingcuz there’s something even more beautiful in me

Gone to Waste

2006-08-11T11:06:00.000+07:00

The sun sets amazingly
The sea birds fly gracefully
If both pick up the pace
they’re forming outline of your face
The sounds of rolling wave
keeps spelling your name I saved
And the breeze fondly blow my face
aware that a moment’s gone to waste
There’s a shadow moving steadily towards me
A silhouette’s flying low like an origami
Wishing it’s you I see
For now the twilight descends
Here in your arms, the heaven sent
it’s something captured in the sweetest scent

Whistling Birds

2006-08-11T11:03:00.001+07:00

Watching the flocks go by
One bird just left out in a branch of a tree
in front of my house
Careless people just walk on by
Without even take a li’l glimpse to what’s around
So that li’l bird just stands alone
Singing to a song that’s never been heard before
Fearless, confidence

are the things it’s and the song’s all about

My Reflection

2006-08-11T11:00:00.000+07:00

My REFLECTION has AWAKE AND BREATHE
and is now IRRESISTIBLE
WISHING…. WAITING FOR THE DAY
for A GIRL LIKE ME to PLAYING MY GAME
But AM I THE KINDA GIRL?
A PASSENGER who will follow the RAINBOW
and fly like a BUTTERFLY in the SUNSHINE
HERE ON EARTH, in A WALK TO REMEMBER
I’ll take the WALK OF LIFE from COAST TO COAST
all with SPIRITS in it and it’s FOREVER
I’m going to get the FIRST IN LINE
to PAINT THE SKY WITH STARS
and TELLING EVERYBODY
who TALK ON CORNERS and CROSSROAD
that THE SOUND OF MUSIC
and all that GLITTER
will come as ONE in everyone’s DAYDREAM
LET’S GO BANG! JUST BE FREE!
SPICE UP YOUR LIFE! RIGHT NOW!
Don’t get LEFT IN THE MIDDLE
DREAM A DREAM about A DIFFERENT BEAT
And you’ll get THE NEXT BEST THING

THIS WAY,

in the WORLD OF OUR OWN

The Goal of the Unknown

2006-08-11T10:59:00.000+07:00

Flock of birds
cover the dirt
There ain’t no nerd
of the unheard
Where have you been?
Hey, you’re just a teen
Made licking things
of the unseen
The flower grows
a step and more
to reach the goal
of the unknown

How the story goes...

2006-08-11T10:54:00.000+07:00

Tepat setelah Mas Andre nelpon ke kost, persiapan menjelang siding langsung gue lakuin. Maklumlah, setelah ngumpulin draft skripsi, gue totally ga ngapa2in, alias maen sejadi2nya. Hahaha… gila, ya?! Alhasil… Cukup kelabakan, tapi, ternyata dapat teratasi dengan baik. Puji Tuhan. Hehe. Stiap target yang dibuat terlampaui. Hari pertama persiapan aja, waktu yang tersiksa amat banyak, sampe gue biarkan Kuki, David, Abu ma Sandy berkunjung ke kost lewat tengah malem, n nggrecokin draft skripsiku dengan tulisan2 KOTOR!!! Dasar anak2 gila. Ehm, benernya Cuma David ma Kuki doang... Orang2 gila itu!!!
Besoknya... ngapain hayo??? Ya nglenjutin persiapannya, termasuk bikin n ngutak-ngatik transparansi yang selanjutnya, pada hari H sidang berhasil membuat Mas Nur terkagum2. Hehehehehe... Dosen yang satu itu, mang yahud banget. Angkat topi banget gue ma dia. Beliau, deng. Bis itu… ya udah, siap...
Wooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sehari sebelum sidang, ehm… Mama datang, jadi, ya gitu. Tapi, tetep nyiap2n, kok. Meringkas... Mana USB ada di Hilda n gue ga ambil. Dasar... Jadi, ngeprint ke Zee pake disket... masih jaman????? Hahahahaha... Sumpah kagak jaman. Soalnya, di Zee ga bisa dibuka. Hehehe... Jadi malu. Eh, ga juga, deng... Excelnya kebuka... Weeeeeee!!! Hahaha... Sutralaya... Penting??? Iyalah... Nah lo!!!
Hari H sidang...
Paginya nemenin ade gue dulu daftar ulang. Untungnya sepi... Makanya, buat yang laen, daftar ulangnya hari terakhir aja laen kali. Da gitu, selesai pulang sarapan, n akhirnya pulang ke kost... Siap2... Duh... perasaaan da mulai ga keruan. Presentasi yang disiapn lebih dari 20 menit minimalnya. Keburu ga ya???
Siap2 pake rok n sepatu, ternyata Mas nurnya belom ada, jadi disuruh nyari, ganti lagi pake sendal jepit. Hahaha... Ternyata mas Nur lagi di Ruang Mas Bob, ma Bu Sisca... Cie... cie... Gosipnya bener, ga, seh???
Sempet digoda Mas Bob... duh, jadi terharu... Hehehe... Apa coba??? Kata laennya, gue masih sempet canda2an ma Mas Bob... Beliau juga salah satu dosen yang menurut gue keren banget luar dalem... Sayang sudah beristri. Hahahahaha... Dasar!!! :p Whoopsee...
Yo wis... sampe ruang sidang... Ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Pas Mas Arie mo mulai... gue potong... lupa ambil bolpen. Duh, konyol banget, seh!!! Bis itu, ternyata waktu presentasinya Cuma 10 menit, alhasil... KEBUT KIRI KANAN, N DIPOTONG JUGA SEMUANYA... jadi Cuma baca transparansinya... Bis itu ditanya2... tepuk tangan buat gue si jago NGELES... Ga sia2 gue masuk kelas Bahasa, karena bisa bersilat lidah. Hehehe... Bis itu... BERES!!! à dapet A.... and the rest is history... :D

Geng Alto...

2006-08-10T20:19:00.000+07:00

Get Ready

For

Some Scandalous Actions...!!!

Hi MG!!!

2006-08-10T20:17:00.000+07:00

Heloooooow.... :D

Puji Tuhan...

2006-08-10T19:49:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya gue lulus... hahaha... Setelah melewati hari2 yang cukup menegangkan dan penuh pertanyaan apakah yang akan terjadi di dalam sana.... Ternyata... makian anjing dan monyet yang keluar... Untungnya... Mas Nur, bang ATom n Mas Arie isinya. Duh, konyol sekali...Hehehe... tapi, sungguh berkesan.
Ntah kenapa, setelah berada di dalam sana, ternyata tidak semenakutkan seperti yang dibicarakan oleh teman2 yang lain. Well, I think... sugesti itu mang perlu. Huahahahahahahaha...
Sutralaya... dah dapet A gituloh!!!!!
Akhirnya gue menyusul sisa geng gue yang dah pada lulus semua. hehehehe...
Ehm, gue ntar bakal post smua tanda terima kasih gue... Plus, cerita lengkap tentunya.
Berhubung sekarang ada Mama n Dede, jadi, sepertinya daku harus pulang. Belom lagi McD menunggu... Heheheheh....

Kenapa, ya, milih2 itu susah???

2006-08-08T11:20:00.000+07:00

At times... lu butuh banyak pilihan, karena mals kalo cuma itu doang. Tapio, sekalinya dikasih banyak pilihan... Lu bakalan bingung sejadi2nya...
Ehm...
Smuanya masuk ke... Kenapa manusia ga pernah puas???
Hehehehehe...
Males, ya!!!

Tuh, kan... Another dream comes true...

2006-08-08T10:38:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya, hari Kamis ini gue bakalan sidang... Hehehe... Excited sekaligus deg2an juga waktu pas nerima telpon dari Mas Andre. nelpon ke kost pula. Secara Uli juga nunggu telpon... Hahahahaha... Tadi baru liat pengujinya... mas Nur ma bang Atom... Duh, kebagian nyanyi kayak Sisca, ga ya??? Deuh... ngarep... Hehehe... Ya, kan lumayan kalo dengan nyanyi doang bisa langsung dapet A... Gue bersedia konser mini d... :)
Apa yang bakal terjdi di sono, ya??? Wah...
Oya, pas tanggal segitu nyokap ma ade gue bakalan dateng... daftar ulang di UNPAR... lucu kali ya, kalo mereka ikut nemenin gue sidang. Selama ini, gue belom liat yang ampe bawa nyokapnya. hehehehe... Bahkan bokap gue mo ikut dateng... hehehe... yang ini, dia kira ini wisuda... Papa...papa... Luv ya, Pa... :)
Pokonya, gue pengen cepet2 selesai, biar Mi Padre y Mi Madre estan feliz... :)
I just want to make them proud... and I'm aware of it...

Sekarang inget...

2006-08-06T20:59:00.000+07:00

TuNa NeTrA...

2006-08-06T20:19:00.000+07:00

PS. Yang laen ga bisa di download... :(

Wishes DO come true...

2006-08-06T20:05:00.000+07:00

Banyak yang bilang kalo wishes itu lebih kecil kemungkinan untuk terkabulnya daripada hopes... Bahkan ada yang bilang kalo wishes itu ga kan terkabul... Well, setali tiga uang sama dreams won't come true gtd... Tapi, buat gue... dreams definitely can come true...Smuanya tergantung lu sendiri, it's like You are your own destiny... Hehehehe... Bukti simple... Gue selalu mohon biar skripsi gue selesai, ga peduli sidangnya kapan... Eh... bener aja... jadwalnya belom keluar2 ampe sekarang... Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Mungkin kita ga pernah sadar aja kalo benernya, satu per satu harapan kita tu terkabul... It's all about the timing... EHm, gue sendiri, selalu percaya kalo apapun yang etrjadi, itu pasti yang terbaik buat gue, karena, tanpa salah satu atao salah banyak kejadian yang dah terjadi ma gue, belom tentu gue dapet sesuatu yang lain yang gue anggap memuaskan hati gue dan bikin gue seneng banget. Things happen for a reason...